1st post from work

Another moody October morning @work. Almost stuck in a perpetuum of dull days, I guess.
Last night as i was driving home from the Olympic Village I saw the flow of cars over the bridge of the highway there. Spectacular. All i wanted to do is just turn left, not right, turn left and drive out of Athens. Drive outside of the boring life I am doomed to live. You know the English saying, right? "All work and no play make Jack a dull boy" - this is me, Jack the dullest.

All I want today is LEAVE. Get the hell out of the office and go.

But OF COURSE i am too responsible these years to let myself fall so down; following your dreams has never been the most responsible recreational activity @Telecoms.

post mortem

why is it so difficult in any age for me to really feel happy?

i can't belong - it is so simple.
i adjust to criteria and rules, but i never really belonged.

ANYONE OUT THERE?

1-liners/truth

summarising those last days i have not written a thing -

1. i got the big promotion at work - wow! (ironic).
2. i got selected in a strange Ministry process for an assessment programme (wow - ironic, again)
3. i got my depression back
4. a man i hardly know told me last night he loves me. i replied swiftly "You don't know me" - and he said "I didn't tell you i know you".
interesting, huh? (i felt so much uneasy, i can't take these sentimentalisms any more)
5. i feel totally cracked down. but i will not show it to my real, everyday life.
ONLY HERE my truth lies.

poetry, instead of a crack-down

Τάσος Λειβαδίτης, Αυτοβιογραφία

Άνθρωποι που δε γνώρισα ποτέ μού δώσαν το αίμα μου και τ’ όνομά μου

στην ηλικία μου χιονίζει, χιονίζει αδιάκοπα

μια κίνηση πάντα σα νά’ θελα να προφυλαχτώ από’ να χτύπημα

δίψασα για όλη τη ζωή, κι όμως την άφησα

για ν’ αρπαχτώ απ’ τα πελώρια αγκάθια της αιωνιότητας,

η σάρκα μου ένας επίδεσμος γύρω απ’ το αυριανό μου τίποτα

κανείς δεν μπορεί να με βοηθήσει στον πόνο μου

εκτός απ’ τον ίδιο μου τον πόνο –είμαι εδώ, ανάμεσά σας, κι ολομόναχος,

κ’ η ποίηση σα μια μεγάλη αλήθεια που την ανακαλύπτεις ύστερ’ από χρόνια,

όταν δεν μπορεί να σου χρησιμέψει πια σε τίποτα.

Επάγγελμά μου: το ακατόρθωτο.

(Δημοσιεύτηκε στην «Επιθεώρηση Τέχνης», τ. 141, Σεπτέμβρης 1966, σελ. 137)

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Ηλίας Τσέχος, Χιλιόμετρα χρόνου

μετά χίλια χιλιόμετρα ταξίδι

κάθεσαι και ζωγραφίζεις τα χιλιόμετρα

περνάν ουρανί πινακίδες

βέλη σε λευκά οι κατευθύνσεις

μ’ επιμονή κοιτάς τι ζωγράφισες

πολιτισμό χορταίνεις

νάσουνα χρώματα ή χιλιόμετρα;

(Δημοσιεύτηκε στο περιοδικό Πολιτιστική, τ. 2, σελ. 64).

Edna St. Vincent Millay

Ashes of Life

Love has gone and left me and the days are all alike;

Eat I must, and sleep I will, -- and would that night were here!

But ah! -- to lie awake and hear the slow hours strike!

Would that it were day again! -- with twilight near!

Love has gone and left me and I don't know what to do;

This or that or what you will is all the same to me;

But all the things that I begin I leave before I'm through, --

There's little use in anything as far as I can see.

Love has gone and left me, -- and the neighbors knock and borrow,

And life goes on forever like the gnawing of a mouse, --

And to-morrow and to-morrow and to-morrow and to-morrow

There's this little street and this little house.

my favourite film revealed.

cartoons

επειδή πολλές φορές η ζωή μιμείται την τέχνη και τούμπαλιν.
Καλό Σ/Κ σε όσουν δεν δουλεύουν σα ζώα όπως εγώ.

unable to stay silent today

"The kingdom of Heaven is a condition of the heart --not something 
that comes upon the earth or after death."
Nietzsche, Friedrich


i woke up today late and anxious that I might not cope.
Isn't this a shame? I have stopped being the self i knew 10 years
back...

Disasterous how we can take a positive word like "natural evolution"
to talk about something so nasty as giving yourself up...