James 'Say Something'

"...Take a drug to set you free
Strange fruit from a forbidden tree
You've got to come down soon
More than a drug is what I need
Need a change of scenery
Need a new life..."

και κανένα άλλο σχόλιο για λίγες μέρες.

η εκκωφαντική σας σιωπή, ή μήπως είναι η δικιά μου απώλεια φωνής;

Γιώργος Σεφέρης

Λυπούμαι γιατί άφησα να περάσει ένα πλατύ ποτάμι μέσα από τα δάχτυλά μου χωρίς να πιώ ούτε μια στάλα. Τώρα βυθίζομαι στην πέτρα. Ενα μικρό πεύκο στο κόκκινο χώμα, δεν έχω άλλη συντροφιά. Οτι αγάπησα χάθηκε μαζί με τα σπίτια που ήταν καινούργια το περασμένο καλοκαίρι και γκρέμισαν με τον αγέρα του φθινοπώρου. Συλλογή " Μυθιστόρημα"

Ελύτης for ever

Τὸ Φωτόδεντρο καὶ ἡ δέκατη τέταρτη Ὀμορφιά

Μ΄ ένα τίποτα έζησα
Μονάχα οι λέξεις δε μου αρκούσανε
Σ΄ ενός περάσματος αέρα
ξεγνέθοντας απόκοσμη φωνή τ΄ αυτιά μου
φχιά
φχιού φχιού
εσκαρφίστηκα τα μύρια όσα
Τι γυαλόπετρες φούχτες
τι καλάθια φρέσκες μέλισσες και σταμνιά φουσκωτά όπου
άκουγες ββββ να σου βροντάει ο αιχμάλωτος αέρας.

Κάτι
Κάτι δαιμονικό μα που να πιάνεται σαν σε δίχτυ στο σχήμα του Αρχαγγέλου
Παραλαλούσα κι έτρεχα
Έφτασα κι αποτύπωνα τα κύματα στην ακοή απ΄ τη γλώσσα

-Ε καβάκια μαύρα, φώναζα, κι εσείς γαλάζια δέντρα τι ξέρετε από μένα;
-Θόη θόη θμος
- Ε; Τι;
- Αρίηω ηθύμως θμος
- Δεν άκουσα τι πράγμα;
- Θμος θμος άδυσος

Ώσπου τέλος ένιωσα
κι ας πα΄ να μ΄ έλεγαν τρελό
πως από ΄να τίποτα γίνεται ο Παράδεισος.

motto

DARE TO BE WISE.

I will hold

I will hold.

Despite all that is against life, I will stay.

And even if I don't get all what i wanted, I don't think I will cry.

Sometimes loyalty to life matters more than goal achievement.

OR am I wrong?

now and now

πρώτη φορά μίλησα σε άνθρωπο μέσω email. ένιωσα τη θέρμη της εφηβείας, τότε που ακόμη πίστευα πως ο κόσμος δημιουργείται, δεν μας δίνεται.

Thank you, china girl.

και με λένε Ελένη.
και έχω τόσο φως όσο και σκοτάδι μέσα μου.
αλλά υπερισχύει τόσα χρόνια το χρώμα.

Ευχαριστώ για το mail.

suffering to forget

this is a dream land. Palermo hills, the vastness of scenery.
I was promised a trip there, a stay at a home that belongs to a woman i will never meet now, a home-made perfume that contributed some 10 years now to my falling in love back then. Back then and still remembering the sense of the perfume smell makes me home sick. For a home i never will have, and never saw. His place.
Where is he? Where is he safely living now? I know not.

All i dream the last decade is that trip. That trip i only made through his words and these images.

two quotes... goodnight

Ειναι οι ανθρωποι πιο ξενοι
σε πολιτειες αστραφτερες
με μουσικες καλοντυμενες απ τις πιο ρηχες ψυχες,
τοση ομορφια
δεν θελω πια
μου λες...

ΟΝΑΡ

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

αυτη η πολη εχει αλλαξει πολυ

ποιος θα σε φροντισει;

τι φοβασαι;

ποσοι σαν κι εσενα ειναι εκει εξω;

ολοι ειναι μονοι εδώ

Τι ψαχνεις;

(taken from http://www.thmmy.gr/smf/index.php?topic=18023.msg358428;topicseen)

Ελλαδάρα και επίπεδο...

ακόμη και αυτός έχει χώρο εδώ...
είναι καιρός για αποδημητικά πουλιά να πετάξω σε άλλα, πιό φιλόξενα μέρη???

http://evenizelos.blogspot.com/

τι χαζά, τι χαζό που ασχολούνται με τέτοια σοβαρά θέματα όπως η πολιτική με τόση σοβαροφάνεια.
απ' έξω είναι πάντα η Ελλάδα, το φαίνεσθαι.
το είναι πάντα βρίσκεται λειψό.

κρίμα, κρίμα indeed.

my fixation... Palermo.

i have much more to upload here, and probably a lifetime of story-telling about my fixation.

depression, she wrote

how does one find the personal atonement?
how do you get back to being happy? being content and ok with yourself, your silly choices, your thousand indecisions (as Eliot would nag), your goodness?

i can't.
i am drawn to all possible future scenarios merely by the force of life.
i don't live any more - i survive.
and this is pathetic.

WHERE is my atonement?

winning life back

today i had a meeting with the General Director of the company i have been working for the last 7 months. It doesn't matter why, or what might come out of this talk i had the chance to enjoy, really enjoy with him. On purpose i didn't ask anyone who might know him about his personality, his traits and his dislikes - i wanted to enter the room, his office, in total curiosity. It was a meeting on fair grounds - he didn't know me (only my cv was in front of him), i didn't know him (only an interview in a related journal gave me a poor glimpse of him).
I didn't realise how fast time went by.
And this was wonderful.

i enjoyed spending time talking of myself mostly to a stranger - he may have a high or low opinion of me now, but i know that i was me there, 100% Eleni.
and this was how i won a day back.

for my sore eyes

presenting Franco James.

Watch "Tristan and Isolde" on DVD....

again and again

"ΔΕΝ ΘΕΛΩ ΠΙΑ ΝΑ ΖΩ ΧΩΡΙΣ ΕΣΕΝΑ...
πάρε την καρδιά μου, τα όνειρά μου -
δεν έχω τίποτ' αλλο να σου δώσω"

δεν το λέω εγώ - το τραγούδι το λέει.
εγώ κλασσικά επαυξάνω...

άλλων λέξεις

«Τι να πεις για μία κοινωνία που λέει ότι ο Θεός πέθανε αλλά ο Έλβις ζει;»

Irv Kupcinet


επειδή έπονται οι σούπερ εκλογές που θα μας σώσουν βεβαίως βεβαίως...

instead of a comment to a reader

must be a second adolescence - or depression.

the world has stopped fitting my vision.

interesting.

fixation

i don't care how it is called.

i don't care about my lost years.

I AT LEAST STRIVED FOR A (lost) CAUSE.



What about you? What do you leave behind?


(nothing?)

a song worth the lyrics

"θέλω μόνο να σε δω

Δέκα χρόνια δέκα αιώνες

λύσεις ψάχνουν να μου βρουν

δε με ξέρεις, μα το ξέρεις

πως τα χέρια δεν ξεχνούν

κάτι νύχτες ματωμένες

που αδιάφορα περνάν

που τα σώματα διψάνε

μα τα μάτια αλλού κοιτάν" Giannis Haroulis...

I can't believe that 11 years have passed since then... It seems like everything just happened recently... I remember that day... We were so young and so ignorant...

10/09

it has been so far 11 years - for some of us, a lifetime distorted to match an unwelcome reality.
HE IS NOT HERE.
An existentialistic question - did he really exist?

I doubt it, him, his life, his b*day today. I question everything that reminds me of him. Even me.
Who am I any more? Bits and pieces perpetuating a life cycle that is exactly and only this - a cycle, and a vicious one to be more precise.

Turn back, turn the page over, damn you.
YOU CAN'T.

C' est la vie - he used to say this all the time. Abandonment. Total abandon.
Now it just doesn't matter any more.

I am too old in my age to wallow over V. But anyway, it is a bloody B*day today, so i pray to my God to have him as he deserves.

And a song dedicated tonight - by Concrete Blonde "Joey". Masterpiece this voice communicating the looming disaster.

Monday, September 10th

Eleni,

I check out your blog almost every day because I feel like closer to you. I get to find out how you are doing. For years now, months and months would go by and I would hear nothing and I would wonder. Is she ok? Is something wrong? So being able to check on you even through a blog is so huge for me. Eventhough I am so far away there hasn't been a day that goes by that I don't think about you and wonder if you are well... So I am glad that you decide to start this blog.

K

για να μην σε ξεχνάει η σφαίρα.

Μπάμπαλη Ανδριάνα - ΔΕΣ ΚΑΘΑΡΑ

Στίχοι: Νίκος Μωραΐτης
Μουσική: Calogero
Πρώτη εκτέλεση: Ανδριάνα Μπάμπαλη

Αν θα βγεις δε θα βγω μέσα θα κλειστώ
ένα φως θα κρεμάσω για να έχω ουρανό
θα κοιτώ θα γελάω θα φυσάω τον καπνό
και θα λέω δεν πονάω μα βαθιά θα πονώ
Η καρδιά, η καρδιά μου έτσι είναι η καρδιά
θα τη βρω θα την πιάσω θα την πάρω αγκαλιά
και θα βγω άλλο βράδυ με φιλιά και ποτά
και θα λέω είμαι εντάξει μα δε θα΄μαι καλά

Δες καθαρά για σένα υπάρχω
δες καθαρά εσένα θα΄χω
πάντα βαθιά σαν σφαίρα στην καρδιά
σαν σφαίρα στην καρδιά

Κι αν με δεις κι αν σε δω έναν ξένο κοιτώ
και δε θα σε γνωρίζω και δε θα σε κρατώ
η ζωή μου θα κυλάει σαν βροχή σαν νερό
και εγώ δε θα σ΄έχω και θα λέω δεν πονώ
Η ζωή, η ζωή μου θα γεμίζει μπετό
ένας άνθρωπος χτίζει τον πιο ωραίο γκρεμό
και θα πάω και θα πέσω και μετά θα γελώ
και θα λέω δεν πονάω μα βαθιά θα πονώ

Δες καθαρά για σένα υπάρχω
δες καθαρά εσένα θα΄χω
πάντα βαθιά σαν σφαίρα στην καρδιά
σαν σφαίρα στην καρδιά

Δες καθαρά αυτή η φωνή
για σένα ξεσπά, για σένα αντηχεί
πιο δυνατά
για σένα τραγουδά

a sudden revelation

DEVASTATED by a song.

(and i hate Dalaras)

Στίχοι: Γιώργος Παυριανός
Μουσική: Στάμος Σέμσης
Πρώτη εκτέλεση: Γιώργος Νταλάρας

Όταν θα τελειώσει ξαφνικά το καλοκαίρι
όταν θα 'χω φύγει μακριά σε κάποιο αστέρι
τίποτα να μη φοβάσαι να με θυμάσαι
γιατί σ' αγαπούσα πιο πολύ κι απ' τη δική μου τη ζωή

Όταν θα χαθούν οι αγάπες κι οι φιλίες
όταν θα με βλέπεις στις παλιές φωτογραφίες
τις βραδιές που δεν κοιμάσαι να με θυμάσαι
γιατ'ι σ' αγαπούσα πιο πολύ κι απ' τη δική μου τη ζωή

Όταν θα κοιτάς την άδεια θέση στο τραπέζι
όταν θα ακούσεις το τραγούδι αυτό να παίζει
μη δακρύζεις μη λυπάσαι να με θυμάσαι
γιατί σ' αγαπούσα πιο πολύ κι απ' τη δική μου τη ζωή

1/2

i am right now listening to my second best radio station. online.

www.diesi.gr

worth it.

(yes, my first favourite is melodia)

Hope our week is as tender as all of us.
KEEP THE FAITH.

Katerina

No, i will not admit, my truest friend, what is going on.
Not because of secrecy, or guilt, or fear.

I will be in the same spot you left me last summer, waiting to see your smiling face.
Sometimes, some days like this Friday, when i worked 13 whole hours @the new post, this distant smile of you kept me afloat.
Feeling blessed really for doing things @work i was craving to do, enjoying my time there really, but life outside those premises, is something not to talk about. Not now, at least.
I keep the faith, you keep the light on.
Things will be better, i presume.

All is well to those who believe.
THANK YOU all for reading this blog - your number was startling when i saw the stats yesterday.

how ironic ---

Dover Beach
by Matthew Arnold

The sea is calm to-night.
The tide is full, the moon lies fair
Upon the straits;--on the French coast the light
Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand,
Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.
Come to the window, sweet is the night-air!
Only, from the long line of spray
Where the sea meets the moon-blanch'd land,
Listen! you hear the grating roar
Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling,
At their return, up the high strand,
Begin, and cease, and then again begin,
With tremulous cadence slow, and bring
The eternal note of sadness in.

Sophocles long ago
Heard it on the {AE}gean, and it brought
Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow
Of human misery; we
Find also in the sound a thought,
Hearing it by this distant northern sea.

The Sea of Faith
Was once, too, at the full, and round earth's shore
Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furl'd.
But now I only hear
Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,
Retreating, to the breath
Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear
And naked shingles of the world.

Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.

epiphany

it is this turning point today.
i admit i am scared.
too scared even to talk about it.

i was diagnosed with some sort of an unexpected condition and have to deal with it.
desperate times call for desperate measures.
now is the time to just sit back, sip some decaf latte from a nearby Starbucks (i like its smokeless environment) and listen to music.

deaf to all other people.
all those who claim to love me have deserted the battle years ago.

devastated as is the case.

last words

"And should the world itself forget your name
Say this to the still earth: I flow.
Say this to the quick stream: I am."

Don Paterson - Being

going to bed...

DAVID CONSTANTINE

Watching for Dolphins

In the summer months on every crossing to Piraeus
One noticed that certain passengers soon rose
From seats in the packed saloon and with serious
Looks and no acknowledgement of a common purpose
Passed forward through the small door into the bows
To watch for dolphins. One saw them loose

Every other wish. Even the lovers
Turned their desires on the sea, and a fat man
Hung with equipment to photograph the occasion
Stared like a saint, through sad bi-focals; others,
Hopeless themselves, looked to the children for they
Would see dolphins if anyone would. Day after day

Or on their last opportunity all gazed
Undecided whether a flat calm were favourable
Or a sea the sun and the wind between them raised
to a likeness of dolphins. Were gulls a sign, that fell
Screeching from the sky or over an unremarkable place
Sat in a silent school? Every face

After its character implored the sea.
All, unaccustomed, wanted epiphany,
Praying the sky would clang and the abused Aegean
Reverberate with cymbal, gong and drum.
We could not imagine more prayer, and had they then
On the waved, on the climax of our longing come

Smiling, snub nosed, domed like satyrs, oh
We should have laughed and lifted the children up
Stranger to stranger, pointing how with a leap
They left their element, three or four times, centred
On grace, and heavily and warm re-entered,
Looping the keel. We should have felt them go

Further and further into the deep parts. But soon
We were among the great tankers, under their chains
In black water. We had not seen the dolphins
But woke, blinking. Eyes cast down
With no admission of disappointment the company
Dispersed and prepared to land in the city.

From Watching for Dolphins (Bloodaxe, 1983)

missing a heartbeat tonight

JOHN BURNSIDE

Septuagesima

Nombres.
Estan sobre la patina
de las cosas. Jorge Guillen

I dream of the silence
the day before Adam came
to name the animals,

The gold skins newly dropped
from God's bright fingers, still
implicit with the light.

A day like this, perhaps:
a winter whiteness
haunting the creation,

as we are sometimes
haunted by the space
we fill, or by the forms

we might have known
before the names,
beyond the gloss of things.

From Feast Days (Secker & Warburg, 1992)

heart failure?

last night i was @hospital, from 8.40pm till almost midnight.
my heart didn't work that well and my blood pressure soared.
i felt at a loss.

now i am better.
i hope my prognosis is better.
the diagnosis was worse than expected, to tell you the truth.

losing it

is it so common? i feel lost, i am losing it, losing grip.

is there anyone out there for me? to help? it is the first time i am asking for help.
i can't go on on my own, too much of my heart condition interferes with daily pangs.

am i that bad?
do i deserve this loneliness?

i am losing it all.

to F. a friend online

sex is the biggest human adventure.
remember that.

στερεοφωνικά

δεν ειμαι από αυτούς τους κολλημένους με την μπάλα, ή με γκόμενους, ή με θρησκείες.
Όλοι στη δουλειά με κάνουν δέκα χρόνια μικρότερη - με τρομάζει λίγο που η έξω εικόνα ταιριάζει την μέσα νεότητα.
Αλλά είμαι 35. Στις 22 Μαϊου τα έχω κλείσει. Δεν έχω σχέση αυτόν τον καιρό - δεν άντεξε κάποιος στο crash-test που περνάω τους ανθρώπους. Είμαι δύσκολος ανθρωπος, τελικά; Κανείς δεν αντέχει; Να κατεβάσω τα standards που έχω για μένα και τους άλλους; Πριν 3 βδομάδες έκανα μια απερισκεψία που έχω μετανιώσει οικτρά. Άρα δεν είμαι γεννημένη να χαμηλώνω το κεφάλι και να κατεβάζω επίπεδα ανθρώπινης επαφής. Επαφή - τι απατηλό τοπίο.

δείτε το http://anticipointed.blogspot.com - είναι 10 χρόνια κάτω από μένα, είναι ένα θαύμα.

καλή μας νύχτα, να μιλάμε με λέξεις ουσίας, να νιώθουμε τη ζωή μέσα και κάτω από το δέρμα μας.



Όταν όλοι οι άλλοι φεύγουν, μένεις εσύ - να σε προσέχεις. Πιό πολύ.

- το λέω για να με ακούσω.

September

http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=-949725192138430898

this, first - as a thank you link for Noula, who sent it to me. It is Giannis Haroulis, the great.

have a great September - hopefully we might witness one of those old, cool Autumns of my childhood in the late 70's.


by the way, the following link is mythical. Check it out:
http://zillionmilesaway.wordpress.com/