10/09

it has been so far 11 years - for some of us, a lifetime distorted to match an unwelcome reality.
HE IS NOT HERE.
An existentialistic question - did he really exist?

I doubt it, him, his life, his b*day today. I question everything that reminds me of him. Even me.
Who am I any more? Bits and pieces perpetuating a life cycle that is exactly and only this - a cycle, and a vicious one to be more precise.

Turn back, turn the page over, damn you.
YOU CAN'T.

C' est la vie - he used to say this all the time. Abandonment. Total abandon.
Now it just doesn't matter any more.

I am too old in my age to wallow over V. But anyway, it is a bloody B*day today, so i pray to my God to have him as he deserves.

And a song dedicated tonight - by Concrete Blonde "Joey". Masterpiece this voice communicating the looming disaster.